Your Writing

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Your Writing

Post by ItsAChiaotzu on Tue Oct 19, 2010 11:17 pm

I've recently started doing a bit of poetry, here's one of them
Spoiler:
Temple
On his knees, lids closed he drifts deeper.
Cold marble floor, empty; but for one.
Screams echo in the cave, but he drifts...
Deeper.
Drowning out the pain, the lies and degradation.
The papal maggot kneels, and reeks.
Controlling man, yet controlled by man.
The invisible god weeps.

It's not very good but I'd be happy to post more if people want.

Anyway, let's see yours!

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Re: Your Writing

Post by GrinningManiac on Thu Oct 21, 2010 6:39 pm

I'll upload a passage of the latest version of my story as soon as it's written. THAT I can promise

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Aprenderé a bailar salsa y nada detendrá me. 对不起我的中文不好,对不起我不知道你说什么。
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Re: Your Writing

Post by Wayward on Tue May 10, 2011 10:57 pm

NECRO.

I'm hoping for some feedback on part of a memoir piece I'm working on. Just a paragraph, and I'm mainly concerned with the rain metaphor at the end. I'm wondering if it comes off as pretentious, but memoir is a completely self-absorbed endeavor to begin with, so maybe that's just unavoidable. Anyway, here it is, and thanks for reading!
Spoiler:
As the weeks and months went by, I grew restless, and I began to take a critical look at my own life, particularly my transition into adulthood. I’d always seen myself as an adventurous spirit and an independent person, always needing to take the hard way, never afraid to get up and go, but somewhere along the way, between fourteen and twenty-six, I had begun to take the easy road. I had taken to mitigating challenges instead of facing them. To say I’d become cautious would be putting it nicely. As I reviewed the past several years in my mind, alarms went off, red flags went up. My wake-up call was descending on me like a heavy rain, in multitudinous drops of realizations and connections.

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Re: Your Writing

Post by Pararaptor on Wed Jun 01, 2011 12:08 pm

Wayward wrote:NECRO.

I'm hoping for some feedback on part of a memoir piece I'm working on. Just a paragraph, and I'm mainly concerned with the rain metaphor at the end. I'm wondering if it comes off as pretentious, but memoir is a completely self-absorbed endeavor to begin with, so maybe that's just unavoidable. Anyway, here it is, and thanks for reading!
Spoiler:
As the weeks and months went by, I grew restless, and I began to take a critical look at my own life, particularly my transition into adulthood. I’d always seen myself as an adventurous spirit and an independent person, always needing to take the hard way, never afraid to get up and go, but somewhere along the way, between fourteen and twenty-six, I had begun to take the easy road. I had taken to mitigating challenges instead of facing them. To say I’d become cautious would be putting it nicely. As I reviewed the past several years in my mind, alarms went off, red flags went up. My wake-up call was descending on me like a heavy rain, in multitudinous drops of realizations and connections.
It feels way too formal to describe you. Just like... you give out a vibe, & this writing gives out a vibe, & those vibes don't match.
But then, I don't exactly know you like the back of my hand...

ERNEST HANYWAY

Girl in my drama class at school invited me to auditions her theatre company's holding. I'm feeling ever so pleased with myself~
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Re: Your Writing

Post by Komrade Kharloth on Wed Jun 01, 2011 1:59 pm

Here's a poem that I did for english class, about WW1.

A Statistic

A broken sky, a gutted earth
Fields of razors, cries of men forgotten.
The air itself tastes of poison and hate.

We wait for the inevitable call.
Some men smoke, cigarettes shaking in their hands
The older ones sit and stare, their eyes devoid of life.
The silence broken only by the bark of a rifle and a human scream.

The howl of shells signals it, tension and fear flood the the world.
Men roar as the ground is pounded flat by thousands of boots.

With searing pain, it strikes my chest destroying everything it touches.
Crumpling like paper, I fall. Crimson blood melts with ash colored snow.

One more letter home
One more corpse for the pile.
One more statistic for the history books.

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Re: Your Writing

Post by Wayward on Thu Jun 02, 2011 7:31 am

Wow, very evocative language. Powerful stuff.

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Re: Your Writing

Post by MilkyFresh on Thu Jun 02, 2011 9:23 am

Yeah, that was great. I read your signature as the last line in that poem though, lessened the effect somewhat.

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Re: Your Writing

Post by Mr. Wiggles on Thu Jun 02, 2011 2:53 pm

Here's something I left llying around the introductions thread after gettting ridiulously stoned... Edited it sober... Sounds a bit Mensheviky to me.. but I dunno

"I promise to pay the bearer on demand the sum of pounds stated."

Y'know a few years back (maybe '95 or '96... The mind gets hazy over time") I walked into a Natwest branch, somewhere south if I recall. I asked if I could have the five pounds of gold they had promised me. The receptionist was a little confused, this hadn't happened before. I showed her the note and read the text aloud "I promise to pay the bearer on demand the sum of pounds stated." She smiled and said " Sorry, sir. We can no longer offer that service, I am afraid. Would you care for a celebratory pen? It's our ten year anniverary, you know?" I feigned a smile and got out of there.

Symbolic, wouldn't you say so? Symbolic of our small island nation. Promise after promise is made. Hundreds... Thousands... Millions are forged. Circulated throughout the population, each new owner expecting it to bring them happiness...

The oil that lubricates this country's ever-turning cogs. But... when all is said and done... what good is a promise?

A promise will not feed your children. A promise will not stop a young girl being beaten to death. For what? A few promises? Anyone can hold these promises. People judge one another on who has the most. Heinous crimes take place in their name. They represent all that is wrong in the world. Without them, no hoodlums would hijack a lonely businessman's car. No no thugs would bludgeon the elderly for their pensions.

The promise means nothing. Every promise is an empty one. A meaningless phrase broken, without thought or care, even before it has been made.

The fools and imbeciles of the world do not understand this. Should we punish them? No. For they are the weak. We must punish those leading them astray, corrupting their minds with inequities and filth

The banks... the overpaid civil servants... the fat cat industrialists stealing your pension to buy a new yacht.... The politicians increasing your taxes to keep on paying for their third... fourth... even fifth homes... Stealing the food from your tables so they can feed it to their fucking dog...

To them, you are nothing. Worth less than some spoiled mutt.

They made this promise. But it is nothing. Their gestures mean nothing. It is actions. YOUR actions, that have true meaning. We have the power to do as we will. We build their houses, clean their toilets, and pay their wage slips. Fuck, you do everything for them. And for what? So they can get elected for a second term? To return and steal what they left behind last time.

"I promise to pay the bearer on demand the sum of pounds stated." Means absolutely nothing... Like the actions of an emotionless crook with an empty heart.

We should be wary on those quick to promise salvation and when the time comes enact to enact our vengeance, we shall. For now we wait.

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Re: Your Writing

Post by Komrade Kharloth on Fri Jan 06, 2012 5:12 am

Double Necro.

Here's a short poem I wrote at the height of my War-With-Iran-Nuclear-Holocaust paranoia.

"We're fucked"

Mushroom season is coming.
The media watches with glee.
Warmongers are drumming
For a nuclear symphony.

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Re: Your Writing

Post by Alkaline on Fri Jan 06, 2012 6:05 am

Komrade Kharloth wrote:Double Necro.

Here's a short poem I wrote at the height of my War-With-Iran-Nuclear-Holocaust paranoia.

"We're fucked"

Mushroom season is coming.
The media watches with glee.
Warmongers are drumming
For a nuclear symphony.

I read that in Tom Araya's voice. XD

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Re: Your Writing

Post by Cleril on Fri Jan 06, 2012 6:40 am

Any and all of my writings: http://cleril.deviantart.com/gallery/

Most poems, some prose.
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Re: Your Writing

Post by Furburt on Fri Jan 06, 2012 12:18 pm

Too self conscious to post, requires further noodling.

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Re: Your Writing

Post by Cleril on Sat Jan 07, 2012 12:17 am

Furburt wrote:Too self conscious to post, requires further noodling.

Man the fuck up damn it! We just went through this!
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Re: Your Writing

Post by Pararaptor on Sat Jan 07, 2012 12:19 am

Sodomise women Furburt! DO IT!
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