Milky Reviews: The Duck Game

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Milky Reviews: The Duck Game

Post by MilkyFresh on Wed Jun 22, 2011 2:01 pm

Milky Reviews

The Duck Game

I have been a fan of this seminal PC classic since it's very inception, and I have yet to come across a game more influential to those that followed it than The Duck Game. The very premise is genius equal to that of the greatest filmmakers of the last hundred years, and if (or when) a film adaptation is made I have no doubt that it will surpass any of Hitchcock's screen-trash by an enormous margin.
This epic work of innovative science fiction places the player in the shoes of one of the most charasmatic protagonists I have ever encountered, the Duck. The Duck's mission in life is to find his or her (the ambiguity makes the character all the more exciting) tins of tuna, scattered around a hostile environment populated by guidos and faggots. While many of the primary antagonists, such as the aforementioned guidos and faggots, are only implied by the general atmosphere of the game this does not make them any less intimidating. I found some levels of this chilling fright-fest so intense I had to leave my house and pick oranges for over an hour. No other work of fiction has ever had this effect on me.

SPECIAL EFFECTS

For a game to still have what are quite possibly the most immersive visual effects of any platformer two years after its release date is impressive. What is even more impressive are the predictions being made by industry analyists. Geordie Lasdn had this to say: "...to be frank I don't even understand how the effects in The Duck Game were produced on current generation technology, it's just baffling. I think it is safe to assume nothing will ever surpass them in any media, ever."


SOUNDTRACK

Where do I even begin. I don't believe the english language even contains words strong enough to express how good The Duck Game's soundtrack is, and I feel that we must submit a new word to the Oxford English Dictionary lest it go unappreciated. This word is "carrabascular". The soundtrack to this game is so masterfully crafted and beautifully arranged it makes labrador puppies look like absolute cunts by comparison. I hate puppies now.

CONCLUSION

It is not even concievable that you will ever play a better game than this. To give it a numeric rating would be to insult this masterpiece, numbers simply do not go high enough. The only thing that could possibly suffice is a screenshot of the game itself.
Spoiler:


Last edited by MilkyFresh on Tue Aug 02, 2011 11:26 am; edited 1 time in total

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Re: Milky Reviews: The Duck Game

Post by Katzenjammer on Wed Jun 22, 2011 2:07 pm

Bravo!

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Re: Milky Reviews: The Duck Game

Post by Furburt on Wed Jun 22, 2011 2:07 pm

All hail Geordie Little! Geordie Little for insignificant government position with no real power!

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Re: Milky Reviews: The Duck Game

Post by Furburt on Wed Jun 22, 2011 2:08 pm

Everyone get their arse on skype.

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Re: Milky Reviews: The Duck Game

Post by MilkyFresh on Wed Jun 22, 2011 2:08 pm

Okay, I can do that. Be on in like 15 minutes.

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Re: Milky Reviews: The Duck Game

Post by Pararaptor on Wed Jun 22, 2011 2:12 pm

You lot in a group chat?
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Re: Milky Reviews: The Duck Game

Post by Furburt on Wed Jun 22, 2011 2:14 pm

Yep, added you.

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Re: Milky Reviews: The Duck Game

Post by MilkyFresh on Wed Jun 22, 2011 2:15 pm

WHERE MY INVITATION

I can't just barge in

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Re: Milky Reviews: The Duck Game

Post by Katzenjammer on Wed Jun 22, 2011 2:26 pm

I would join you boys but I have a top secret mission to complete.

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Re: Milky Reviews: The Duck Game

Post by MilkyFresh on Wed Jun 22, 2011 3:09 pm

For fuck's sake, I didn't even need to leave.

My roomy just got back - she'd been outside chain smoking the entire time.

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Re: Milky Reviews: The Duck Game

Post by Furburt on Wed Jun 22, 2011 3:11 pm

Come BAAAACK

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Re: Milky Reviews: The Duck Game

Post by MilkyFresh on Wed Jun 22, 2011 3:11 pm

Nah, now she's for real in bed.

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Re: Milky Reviews: The Duck Game

Post by Dead Herald on Wed Jun 22, 2011 3:19 pm

Looks like IWBTG.

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Re: Milky Reviews: The Duck Game

Post by MilkyFresh on Wed Jun 22, 2011 3:20 pm

Like I said, seminal and influential.

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Re: Milky Reviews: The Duck Game

Post by Pararaptor on Wed Jun 22, 2011 3:20 pm

PLAY IT GERALD!

It's your calling, I swear.
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Re: Milky Reviews: The Duck Game

Post by Dead Herald on Wed Jun 22, 2011 3:22 pm

My name is not Gerald...

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Re: Milky Reviews: The Duck Game

Post by Pararaptor on Wed Jun 22, 2011 3:23 pm

Sorry Edward.

Won't happen again.
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Re: Milky Reviews: The Duck Game

Post by Furburt on Wed Jun 22, 2011 3:23 pm

Geralt?


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Re: Milky Reviews: The Duck Game

Post by Dead Herald on Wed Jun 22, 2011 3:23 pm

Don't make me get the riding crop...

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Re: Milky Reviews: The Duck Game

Post by Pararaptor on Wed Jun 22, 2011 3:24 pm

Sephiroth? Is that you?
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Re: Milky Reviews: The Duck Game

Post by Furburt on Wed Jun 22, 2011 3:24 pm

@Beryl: Kinky.

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Re: Milky Reviews: The Duck Game

Post by Alkaline on Wed Jun 22, 2011 3:41 pm

Dead Herald wrote:Looks like IWBTG.
Beat me to it.

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Re: Milky Reviews: The Duck Game

Post by Vicious Pig Fecal Police on Sun Jul 31, 2011 10:44 pm

Where's the link to this masterpiece? I WANT A GO GOD DAMNIT

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Re: Milky Reviews: The Duck Game

Post by MilkyFresh on Mon Aug 01, 2011 7:16 am

What the arse-dick? It says the file's been deleted.

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Re: Milky Reviews: The Duck Game

Post by Pararaptor on Mon Aug 01, 2011 7:30 am

Server-space ain't without limit. I'm guessing it was deleted because you didn't sign up or no-one was downloading it.
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Re: Milky Reviews: The Duck Game

Post by NightSwimming on Mon Aug 01, 2011 8:52 am

One aspect of the game I see you haven't included is the classic duck-death catchphrase. Personally I think "You're duck has been fucked" adds another element to the game. That element is pure, unadulterated joy. The pleasure I gain from failing a level ignites a certain fire in me. At first, I react as though the duck is poking fun at me. Then I realise, "If I just failed, it means I can play for longer!". Then I cry tears of happiness and continue on spending my life watching my duck get fucked.

For that, I'd like to thankyou Geordie. From the bottom of my heart, you have enriched each and every day I'm on the planet.

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Re: Milky Reviews: The Duck Game

Post by MilkyFresh on Mon Aug 01, 2011 9:54 am

Pararaptor wrote:Server-space ain't without limit. I'm guessing it was deleted because you didn't sign up or no-one was downloading it.
Ah well. If anybody really wants it I can stick it back up.

NightSwimming wrote:One aspect of the game I see you haven't included is the classic duck-death catchphrase. Personally I think "You're duck has been fucked" adds another element to the game. That element is pure, unadulterated joy. The pleasure I gain from failing a level ignites a certain fire in me. At first, I react as though the duck is poking fun at me. Then I realise, "If I just failed, it means I can play for longer!". Then I cry tears of happiness and continue on spending my life watching my duck get fucked.

For that, I'd like to thankyou Geordie. From the bottom of my heart, you have enriched each and every day I'm on the planet.
The pleasure was all mine, and thankyou but I'm content with receiving no praise beyond the love and adoration of everybody who meets me.
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Re: Milky Reviews: The Duck Game

Post by Vicious Pig Fecal Police on Mon Aug 01, 2011 2:31 pm

MilkyFresh wrote:
Pararaptor wrote:Server-space ain't without limit. I'm guessing it was deleted because you didn't sign up or no-one was downloading it.
Ah well. If anybody really wants it I can stick it back up.

NightSwimming wrote:One aspect of the game I see you haven't included is the classic duck-death catchphrase. Personally I think "You're duck has been fucked" adds another element to the game. That element is pure, unadulterated joy. The pleasure I gain from failing a level ignites a certain fire in me. At first, I react as though the duck is poking fun at me. Then I realise, "If I just failed, it means I can play for longer!". Then I cry tears of happiness and continue on spending my life watching my duck get fucked.

For that, I'd like to thankyou Geordie. From the bottom of my heart, you have enriched each and every day I'm on the planet.
The pleasure was all mine, and thankyou but I'm content with receiving no praise beyond the love and adoration of everybody who meets me.

I WANT IT!

GIVE IT TO MEEEEEEE

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Re: Milky Reviews: The Duck Game

Post by MilkyFresh on Mon Aug 01, 2011 2:40 pm

Urrrrrrggggggghhhhh
I'll get on it soon.

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Re: Milky Reviews: The Duck Game

Post by PickledOnionThighs on Tue Aug 02, 2011 9:39 am

BEST GAME IN THE UNIVERSE?

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Re: Milky Reviews: The Duck Game

Post by NightSwimming on Tue Aug 02, 2011 9:52 am

It's so good, even God hadn't planned for it's creation.

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Re: Milky Reviews: The Duck Game

Post by MilkyFresh on Tue Aug 02, 2011 10:59 am

Nippled Hypocrite wrote:
MilkyFresh wrote:
Pararaptor wrote:Server-space ain't without limit. I'm guessing it was deleted because you didn't sign up or no-one was downloading it.
Ah well. If anybody really wants it I can stick it back up.

NightSwimming wrote:One aspect of the game I see you haven't included is the classic duck-death catchphrase. Personally I think "You're duck has been fucked" adds another element to the game. That element is pure, unadulterated joy. The pleasure I gain from failing a level ignites a certain fire in me. At first, I react as though the duck is poking fun at me. Then I realise, "If I just failed, it means I can play for longer!". Then I cry tears of happiness and continue on spending my life watching my duck get fucked.

For that, I'd like to thankyou Geordie. From the bottom of my heart, you have enriched each and every day I'm on the planet.
The pleasure was all mine, and thankyou but I'm content with receiving no praise beyond the love and adoration of everybody who meets me.

I WANT IT!

GIVE IT TO MEEEEEEE

Does this work?
rapidshare.com The_Duck_Game.exe

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Re: Milky Reviews: The Duck Game

Post by MilkyFresh on Tue Aug 02, 2011 11:00 am


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Re: Milky Reviews: The Duck Game

Post by Vicious Pig Fecal Police on Tue Aug 02, 2011 11:23 am

THAT WAS THE BEST GAME I HAVE EVER PLAYED

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Re: Milky Reviews: The Duck Game

Post by MilkyFresh on Tue Aug 02, 2011 11:24 am

HOORAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Re: Milky Reviews: The Duck Game

Post by GrinningManiac on Wed Aug 03, 2011 6:42 pm

SHALL PLAY SOON

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Re: Milky Reviews: The Duck Game

Post by NightSwimming on Thu Aug 04, 2011 9:55 am

PLAY NOW! NOT SOON!

It's life changing. Truly.

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