Ask The Syrian President

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Ask The Syrian President

Post by Furburt on Sun Apr 17, 2011 9:24 am


Good day Westerners. In the wake of Communist Jews tearing apart my great nation with American war money and traitors in my army being corrupted by atheistic ways, I have decided to turn my considerable strengths to forging public relations with the West. I, Bashar al-Assad, am a friend to all Westerners, assuming that doesn't include Americans, Israelis, French, British, or indeed, anyone with ties to the EU, the UN, NATO, The Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty, any Sunni Muslims at all, and blacks.

So ask away, for I am completely fluent in English, due to my extensive studies in London.

What do you want to know about the greatest country on Earth?
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Re: Ask The Syrian President

Post by Pararaptor on Sun Apr 17, 2011 9:29 am

So was it Syberia that started WWI?
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Re: Ask The Syrian President

Post by Furburt on Sun Apr 17, 2011 9:32 am

Pffffff..

No, you silly goose. It was the Jews! My daddy told me that.




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Re: Ask The Syrian President

Post by Pararaptor on Sun Apr 17, 2011 9:37 am

Mah Daddy wuz a soljer too, he brought 'ome the shinest medal I evah seen. Evah since I saw dat medal, I knew wanned one juuuuust like it.
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Re: Ask The Syrian President

Post by Furburt on Sun Apr 17, 2011 9:39 am

Then I shall see you on the battlefield.

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Re: Ask The Syrian President

Post by Katzenjammer on Mon Apr 18, 2011 12:33 am

Why do you suck so much?

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Re: Ask The Syrian President

Post by Furburt on Mon Apr 18, 2011 12:39 am

I am unsure of what you mean. I am not particularly interested in sucking anything.

Unless of course you mean the bosoms of freedom and liberty, which good Syrians suck from every day of our glorious Arabian life.

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Re: Ask The Syrian President

Post by Katzenjammer on Mon Apr 18, 2011 1:19 am

Fair play.

I concede.

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Re: Ask The Syrian President

Post by Xandy on Mon Apr 18, 2011 1:28 am

Are you a jew?

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Re: Ask The Syrian President

Post by Furburt on Mon Apr 18, 2011 1:34 am

Only a Jew would ask that question.

GIVE BACK THE GOLAN HEIGHTS

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Re: Ask The Syrian President

Post by Xandy on Mon Apr 18, 2011 1:38 am

You'll have to get through Professor Elemental first.


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Re: Ask The Syrian President

Post by Terria on Mon Apr 18, 2011 8:42 am

If you were a soup, what flavour of soup would you be?

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Re: Ask The Syrian President

Post by Katzenjammer on Mon Apr 18, 2011 12:27 pm

Do you like to party?

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Re: Ask The Syrian President

Post by MilkyFresh on Thu Apr 21, 2011 12:17 pm

I thought Syrians had hooves? How do you type?

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Re: Ask The Syrian President

Post by Katzenjammer on Thu Apr 21, 2011 12:22 pm

Do you prefer full fat, semi-skimmed or skimmed milk?

This question is of great importance.

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Re: Ask The Syrian President

Post by MilkyFresh on Thu Apr 21, 2011 12:26 pm

Choose your answer carefully.

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Re: Ask The Syrian President

Post by Furburt on Sun Apr 24, 2011 9:45 am

@Katzenjammer: In Syria all our milk is full fat, unlike that watery Israeli milk.

GOD HAS CURSED THEM WITH SKINNY COWS

@MilkyFresh: No, you're thinking of Kurds. They bred with the Shayṭan.

@Freebird: Oppression.

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Re: Ask The Syrian President

Post by MilkyFresh on Sun Apr 24, 2011 12:05 pm

Ah

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Re: Ask The Syrian President

Post by Terria on Sun Apr 24, 2011 2:01 pm

Would this be Heinz Oppression or Cup-A-Soup?

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Re: Ask The Syrian President

Post by Xandy on Sun Apr 24, 2011 2:04 pm

Where's my son? WHERE'S RICHARD?!

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Re: Ask The Syrian President

Post by Katzenjammer on Sun Apr 24, 2011 2:16 pm

Furburt wrote:@Katzenjammer: In Syria all our milk is full fat, unlike that watery Israeli milk.

GOD HAS CURSED THEM WITH SKINNY COWS

Good, now I won't have to destroy your puny country in the name of Moo, king of the cows, master of milk.

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Re: Ask The Syrian President

Post by MilkyFresh on Sun Apr 24, 2011 2:27 pm

That's me

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Re: Ask The Syrian President

Post by Furburt on Tue May 17, 2011 8:59 am

Freebird wrote:Would this be Heinz Oppression or Cup-A-Soup?

I was thinking a light minestrone.

Warmaster Xandus wrote:Where's my son? WHERE'S RICHARD?!

After the end boss.

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Re: Ask The Syrian President

Post by PayJ on Sun May 22, 2011 10:50 pm

Is it legal to explode small concusion grenades in the ears of jewish toddlers in your country?

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Re: Ask The Syrian President

Post by Furburt on Mon May 23, 2011 2:57 am

Only small ones.

Shooting protesters now, that's fair game!

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Re: Ask The Syrian President

Post by PayJ on Wed May 25, 2011 7:21 pm

What about jewish protestors? Is that just like open season?

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Re: Ask The Syrian President

Post by Furburt on Wed May 25, 2011 8:20 pm

Sure.

Except swap protestors for civilians and shooting with Hezbollah rocket attacks. But you're pretty close.

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Re: Ask The Syrian President

Post by MilkyFresh on Thu May 26, 2011 7:25 am

Dear Bashar al-Assad.
My neighbour was mowing the grass on his nature stip on Sunday whilst I was at church and he, intentionally or not, intruded onto my area of the nature strip with his lawn mower. He may have considered this a service but I happen to enjoy my weekly mowing a great deal, and now he has rendered any grass-trimming activity between now and next Sunday ineffectual.
Would I be right to confront him about this?
Yours anxiously, a concerned member of the community.

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Re: Ask The Syrian President

Post by Komrade Kharloth on Thu May 26, 2011 12:50 pm

Is Hamas the same as Hummus?

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Re: Ask The Syrian President

Post by Furburt on Thu May 26, 2011 10:51 pm

@Kharloth: Thicker, less lemon.

@MilkyOne: Easily done, citizen. Simply ring Damascus 115 399 243, wait for the tone, recite the precise area coordinates of your neighbours house, set off two magnesium flares on your lawn, and go for a nice walk. When you return, your life will be harmonious once more.

Yours,

Bashi.

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Re: Ask The Syrian President

Post by Furburt on Thu May 26, 2011 10:54 pm

I hope you appreciate the effort I'm putting into this, that's actually the proper phone number for the Syrian Army Headquarters in Damascus.

International prefix is 963 if you want to call them. Although I think they're a bit busy now.


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Re: Ask The Syrian President

Post by MilkyFresh on Fri May 27, 2011 4:41 am

I fucking love you, you are a hero

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Re: Ask The Syrian President

Post by PayJ on Fri May 27, 2011 8:21 am

All Hail Glorious President!

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Re: Ask The Syrian President

Post by Furburt on Sun May 29, 2011 1:22 am

Tried ringing them, got nothing. It's either obsolete or they just don't feel like answering right now.

Understandable.

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Re: Ask The Syrian President

Post by MilkyFresh on Sun May 29, 2011 5:23 am

ring them up and tell them that they are gay lol it will be funny lol

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Re: Ask The Syrian President

Post by Guest on Sun May 29, 2011 6:26 am

MilkyFresh wrote:ring them up and tell them that they are gay lol it will be funny lol
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Re: Ask The Syrian President

Post by Furburt on Sun May 29, 2011 6:32 am

It will be our contribution to the Arab Spring.

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Re: Ask The Syrian President

Post by GrinningManiac on Tue Jun 14, 2011 5:11 pm

I entertained a chap from Egypt (an old friend) who was taking his family over to Britain 'cus he'd had to spend the night in Cairo on his street with the other menfolk with knives and stuff to deter looters.

He saw some shit, maaaaaan.

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Re: Ask The Syrian President

Post by Mr. Wiggles on Wed Jun 15, 2011 5:05 pm

Why are you pretending to be Jimmy Carr all of a sudden?




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Re: Ask The Syrian President

Post by Furburt on Wed Oct 05, 2011 10:21 am



http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-middle-east-15177114

Mad props to my homeboys in Russia and China. They keepin' it real.

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