Imperial Guardsmen Adverts

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Imperial Guardsmen Adverts

Post by Fniff on Tue Mar 08, 2011 3:13 am

I came up with this while playing around with the Sloganmaker (Link), and put in Imperial Guard. Apparently, the Imperial Guard don't have anything resembling an advertising wing. I thought I should fix this.

If anyone likes these, I might put them up on

Care under the Imperial Guard flag

A normal hive planet street. Garbage all around, generally terrible place.

A commissar comes into view.

Commissar: Hello, I am Commissar Yanick, and do you feel like you are lost in a sea of faces, no-one caring about what you say or do?

A normal hive citizen stumbles into view. He is very very dirty and generally looks like he could use several chemical showers and about 200 baths, and his clothes thrown into the center of a supernova.

Commissar: In the Imperial Guard, you are cared for and watched! All you need is some training in our luxury training centers and you are done! Fight for the glory of the Imperium! You are just as important to us as our Space Marines!

The Commissar waves to the hive citizen.

Citizen: Oh, Hello! I am a normal Hive citizen! What do you want, friendly Commissar?

Commissar: You have been drafted! Expect loads of money at the end of the line! You can drop out at any time!

Text at the bottom says "Warning, you can't leave unless you serve your full time."

Citizen: Hurray! I can fight for the glory of the Emperor and be the admiration of all the ladies!

Commissar: Join up today, call 999-323-IMPERIUM! Remember, if it's the Imperial Guard, you know it's quality over quantity.

Imperial Guard - love it or leave it.

A battlefield. Bunch of Imperial Guards fighting for the Emperor. Suddenly, one of them starts to run away. Our friend Commissar Yanick stops him.

Commissar: Hold on there son, what are you doing?

Imperial Guard: I think I am going to die out there, even though the chance is impossibly small!

Commissar: Now look here, the Imperial Guard has an easy to use "Dropout" order! You can leave at any time!

Imperial Guard: This is called a immediate termination order! That sounds terrible!

Commissar: That's just high gothic for "Immediate givings of money!"

Imperial Guard: Whoo hoo!

Shows Imperial Guardsmen partying.

Commissar's Voice: Sign up today! Call 999-323-IMPERIUM! Remember, the Imperial Guard cares about you!

You can count on Exterminatus

A planetary governor is pacing around his office.

Governor: Oh dear oh dear! For some reason, Chaos have made my loyal citizens into horrible things!

Old Commissar Yanick comes into view.

Commissar: Are you a worried Governor or similar person of authority? Too much Chaos for your tastes? Well, have we a deal for you! It's called Exterminatus, and it's just the greatest thing! One application, and you don't have a problem anymore!

Something goes ding, and the Governor looks out the window.

Governor: Yay! The people aren't worshipping Chaos anymore! In fact, they are so happy they are dancing in the streets!

Commissar: Get some Exterminatus in your life!

Text at the bottom says: Warning, Exterminatus is only to be used in dire circumstances or for personal or mass entertainment.

Commissar: Remember, call 999-323-IMPERIUM if you need Chaos, Necrons, Tau, or some very nasty looking wildlife handled! It's perfect for everything!







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Re: Imperial Guardsmen Adverts

Post by Furburt on Thu Mar 17, 2011 2:47 am

Dayum, that's fly.

This device will make me famous
This device will make me fly
This device will make me holy
This device defies all laws

Laws that are stupid, and make no sense.

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