Monologue suggestions

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Monologue suggestions

Post by reg42 on Sun Feb 27, 2011 6:43 pm

I gots ta do a monologue for my end of year drama exam, but I'm having trouble finding anything which suites me. If y'all could suggest some comedy monologues that'd be super awesome.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
"Fuck, fuck, fuck/Mutha, mutha fuck/Mutha, mutha fuck fuck/Mutha fuck, mutha fuck/Noinch, noinch, noinch

1-2-1-2-3-4/Noinch, noinch, noinch/Smokin' weed/Smokin' wiz/Doin' coke/Drinkin' beers/Drinkin' beers, beers, beers

Rollin' fatties, smokin' blunts/Who smokes the blunts/We smoke the blunts/Rollin' blunts and smokin...

Oh, let me get a nickle bag

15 bucks little man/Put that shit in my hand/If that money doesn't show/Then you owe me owe me owe

My jungle looooove/Oh-e-oh-e-oh/I think I wanna know ya, know ya"
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Re: Monologue suggestions

Post by Komrade Kharloth on Sun Feb 27, 2011 6:45 pm

The "welcome to rapture" speech from Bioshock.

Failing that: Hamlet.

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Re: Monologue suggestions

Post by reg42 on Sun Feb 27, 2011 6:48 pm

That's not comedy.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
"Fuck, fuck, fuck/Mutha, mutha fuck/Mutha, mutha fuck fuck/Mutha fuck, mutha fuck/Noinch, noinch, noinch

1-2-1-2-3-4/Noinch, noinch, noinch/Smokin' weed/Smokin' wiz/Doin' coke/Drinkin' beers/Drinkin' beers, beers, beers

Rollin' fatties, smokin' blunts/Who smokes the blunts/We smoke the blunts/Rollin' blunts and smokin...

Oh, let me get a nickle bag

15 bucks little man/Put that shit in my hand/If that money doesn't show/Then you owe me owe me owe

My jungle looooove/Oh-e-oh-e-oh/I think I wanna know ya, know ya"
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Re: Monologue suggestions

Post by Komrade Kharloth on Sun Feb 27, 2011 6:51 pm

Then make it comedy.

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Re: Monologue suggestions

Post by reg42 on Sun Feb 27, 2011 6:54 pm

Hamlet - In the style of Jerry Lewis

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
"Fuck, fuck, fuck/Mutha, mutha fuck/Mutha, mutha fuck fuck/Mutha fuck, mutha fuck/Noinch, noinch, noinch

1-2-1-2-3-4/Noinch, noinch, noinch/Smokin' weed/Smokin' wiz/Doin' coke/Drinkin' beers/Drinkin' beers, beers, beers

Rollin' fatties, smokin' blunts/Who smokes the blunts/We smoke the blunts/Rollin' blunts and smokin...

Oh, let me get a nickle bag

15 bucks little man/Put that shit in my hand/If that money doesn't show/Then you owe me owe me owe

My jungle looooove/Oh-e-oh-e-oh/I think I wanna know ya, know ya"
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Re: Monologue suggestions

Post by Furburt on Sun Feb 27, 2011 7:08 pm

Hamlet- In the style of Richard Pryor

Far better.


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This device will make me famous
This device will make me fly
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This device defies all laws

Laws that are stupid, and make no sense.

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Re: Monologue suggestions

Post by reg42 on Sun Feb 27, 2011 7:15 pm

That would be epic.

BUT SRSLY

I do need help with this

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
"Fuck, fuck, fuck/Mutha, mutha fuck/Mutha, mutha fuck fuck/Mutha fuck, mutha fuck/Noinch, noinch, noinch

1-2-1-2-3-4/Noinch, noinch, noinch/Smokin' weed/Smokin' wiz/Doin' coke/Drinkin' beers/Drinkin' beers, beers, beers

Rollin' fatties, smokin' blunts/Who smokes the blunts/We smoke the blunts/Rollin' blunts and smokin...

Oh, let me get a nickle bag

15 bucks little man/Put that shit in my hand/If that money doesn't show/Then you owe me owe me owe

My jungle looooove/Oh-e-oh-e-oh/I think I wanna know ya, know ya"
avatar
reg42
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Re: Monologue suggestions

Post by Furburt on Sun Feb 27, 2011 7:23 pm

I can't fucking think of anything! Damn my mind.

I'll get back to you if I do.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
This device will make me famous
This device will make me fly
This device will make me holy
This device defies all laws

Laws that are stupid, and make no sense.

Big Black, Newman Generator

The New Adventures of Momo Murphy
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Re: Monologue suggestions

Post by reg42 on Sun Feb 27, 2011 7:25 pm

Shot bra.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
"Fuck, fuck, fuck/Mutha, mutha fuck/Mutha, mutha fuck fuck/Mutha fuck, mutha fuck/Noinch, noinch, noinch

1-2-1-2-3-4/Noinch, noinch, noinch/Smokin' weed/Smokin' wiz/Doin' coke/Drinkin' beers/Drinkin' beers, beers, beers

Rollin' fatties, smokin' blunts/Who smokes the blunts/We smoke the blunts/Rollin' blunts and smokin...

Oh, let me get a nickle bag

15 bucks little man/Put that shit in my hand/If that money doesn't show/Then you owe me owe me owe

My jungle looooove/Oh-e-oh-e-oh/I think I wanna know ya, know ya"
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reg42
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Re: Monologue suggestions

Post by reg42 on Sun Apr 10, 2011 8:22 pm

I said fuck it, and I wrote my own one.

Mmm... Whattaya want?
What? Pizza? Grapes? I didn’t order anything. You must be a liar. I don’t like liars. No you can’t come in, this is private – private property. You see this sign of my papa’s private parts? That means this is private, and if you don’t like that you’ll just have to leave! But I’ll forgive you just this once. Come in! I have so much to show you since last time. Do you like what I’ve done with the place?
Oh I left the TV box on. You know, one time I was watching TV so hard it shot through the wall and killed the mail man. Heh! Good times.
Over hear you have my prised collection of plastic buttons. One day I will bake them into a fine soup.
In this cabinet you can see my collection of trophies from when I was both happy and successful. Hopefully one day it won’t be empty.
This is my bed. I use it to store beer bottles. One night I came home and found my bottle completely smashed. I spent four years tracking down the bastard who did it. When I found him, I smashed his bottles- Wait not bottles, the other thing... Fingers. After that I went on the run from the police. I hid for four years before a smelly gypsy sold me out. The next 18 years of my life were spent fighting various gang wars and makings connections with the criminal underworld, before my daring escape at tender the age of 38. Or at least they would have been, if the whole thing hadn’t been a hallucination brought on by sniffing socks.
This is the kitchen; most of my mistakes in life can be traced back to here. I actually begin to tear up when I walk in here – or I would if I hadn’t lost my tear ducts in a freak bouncy ball accident. Where was I? Oh yes, the various uses of chocolate! You can use it as a food, as a building material – I direct you to my bed – and you can even use it as a boat out of the river called obscurity. It makes a great pet too, very loving.
The last thing I wanna show you is my basement. It’s kind of a mess, but you know what they say – “You gotta shave a few cats to get ahead in life amiright?”... No? Well follow me anyway. C’mon!
What the-? What in the Hell is this? Damn teenagers always having parties in my basement! How do you keep getting in here? And why can’t I hear you from upstairs? You, put your shirt on! You, stop having sex! You, stop doing those drugs! Those are my drugs! Why is everyone wearing a little hat?! Everyone get out! Out, out, out! Hey, leave those strippers alone – they’re tried down for a reason!
I’m sorry Mr Grapepizza. I was hoping my basement would be in a better condition, but those teenagers cleaned up all the blood!


______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
"Fuck, fuck, fuck/Mutha, mutha fuck/Mutha, mutha fuck fuck/Mutha fuck, mutha fuck/Noinch, noinch, noinch

1-2-1-2-3-4/Noinch, noinch, noinch/Smokin' weed/Smokin' wiz/Doin' coke/Drinkin' beers/Drinkin' beers, beers, beers

Rollin' fatties, smokin' blunts/Who smokes the blunts/We smoke the blunts/Rollin' blunts and smokin...

Oh, let me get a nickle bag

15 bucks little man/Put that shit in my hand/If that money doesn't show/Then you owe me owe me owe

My jungle looooove/Oh-e-oh-e-oh/I think I wanna know ya, know ya"
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Re: Monologue suggestions

Post by Pararaptor on Mon Apr 11, 2011 2:02 am

It's a bit lolrandum. I guess my advice would be to not bombard the audience with comedy, don't try to make every line a joke.

"When I found him, I smashed his bottles- Wait not bottles, the other thing... Fingers."

"You, stop doing those drugs! Those are my drugs!"

Are all solid gold lines though.
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Re: Monologue suggestions

Post by reg42 on Mon Apr 11, 2011 6:20 am

Eh, my teacher seems to like it, so I'll stick to this draft - after all she gives me the marks.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
"Fuck, fuck, fuck/Mutha, mutha fuck/Mutha, mutha fuck fuck/Mutha fuck, mutha fuck/Noinch, noinch, noinch

1-2-1-2-3-4/Noinch, noinch, noinch/Smokin' weed/Smokin' wiz/Doin' coke/Drinkin' beers/Drinkin' beers, beers, beers

Rollin' fatties, smokin' blunts/Who smokes the blunts/We smoke the blunts/Rollin' blunts and smokin...

Oh, let me get a nickle bag

15 bucks little man/Put that shit in my hand/If that money doesn't show/Then you owe me owe me owe

My jungle looooove/Oh-e-oh-e-oh/I think I wanna know ya, know ya"
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reg42
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Re: Monologue suggestions

Post by Pararaptor on Tue Apr 12, 2011 8:49 am

Fuck, you got it easy though. Comedy's a lot easier to pull than tragedy...
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Re: Monologue suggestions

Post by reg42 on Tue Apr 12, 2011 1:57 pm

Yeah I know man. I tried tradegy 3 times before I realised I'm actually not too great at it. Absurd comedy is more up my alley.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
"Fuck, fuck, fuck/Mutha, mutha fuck/Mutha, mutha fuck fuck/Mutha fuck, mutha fuck/Noinch, noinch, noinch

1-2-1-2-3-4/Noinch, noinch, noinch/Smokin' weed/Smokin' wiz/Doin' coke/Drinkin' beers/Drinkin' beers, beers, beers

Rollin' fatties, smokin' blunts/Who smokes the blunts/We smoke the blunts/Rollin' blunts and smokin...

Oh, let me get a nickle bag

15 bucks little man/Put that shit in my hand/If that money doesn't show/Then you owe me owe me owe

My jungle looooove/Oh-e-oh-e-oh/I think I wanna know ya, know ya"
avatar
reg42
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Re: Monologue suggestions

Post by MilkyFresh on Thu Apr 14, 2011 6:56 am

Do Christian Bale's rant at that lighting guy.

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