Dude Reviews CoDClones: Part One - MoH

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Dude Reviews CoDClones: Part One - MoH

Post by Dude on Tue Nov 16, 2010 1:42 am

Medal of Honor has really let itself go. In a hurried attempt to cash in on the Modern Warfare craze, developer Danger Close (EA Los Angeles, who are resposible for totally ruining the C&C series) has decided that the best way to improve on an already old formula would be to make it just a little more bland, boring and banal.

The biggest and most obvious problem when playing MoH is the pacing. Pacing is something that Modern Warfare excelled at. You always knew where you were going, what you had to do, and how urgent it was. MoH seems to think that the best way to build pressure is to have you sit around doing fuck all, waiting for one of your dipshit squadmates to realise that the guy you're looking at is holding a rifle and deem him okay to be killed. This kills the action dead. Paradoxally, while the game tries to maintain a frantic run-and-gun urgency, if you try to advance at a pace any faster than a snail, you'll have you choke chain yanked back and berated, killed, or at worst, the game will just bug out and you'll have to start the mission again.

Scripting issues should not be an issue in games this linear. I've seen less scripting in Hollywood films, the amount of control the game wants is ridiculous. You can't open doors on your own accord, and even on the few moments you're allowed to, you can't do it before receiving an order from your squadmate. There's absolutely no sense of any individuality, you spend the entire time dancing to the game's tune. The entire game is spent being abused by these cunts squadmates, constantly yelling at you to hurry up, slow down, find cover, advance, and "shoot that guy". I don't know where "that guy" fucking is, and say "Enemy at 2 o'clock" helps none at all when I don't know where fucking 12 o'clock is.




What the fuck is a "doorknob"?

Actually, let's get back on the squadmates. At one point the stupid bastards just refused to leave cover and open the door so we could continue. So I restarted the mission. Then, once we got past the door, one of them got stuck on a railing, meaning we couldn't open the next door, and I had to start again. The maps are littered with stupid invisible walls, and when the stupid place is so brown and dusty you can't tell where you're meant to be going anyway, I'd end up getting stuck behind a 30cm rock before being killed. You cant jump over cover before each of your squadmates do, so in hurried firefights you have to literally stand still while three or four burly men with strange facial hair leap over a log before you can, then tell you to hurry the fuck up the second they're done. I feel like the teacher on a school trip, slowly counting off each of the kids as they get on the bus. Except they don't feel like going particuarly fast today, plus I'm on fire.

The shooting isn't bad, which is good, because there is quite a bit you have to do. But those dastardly squadmates are at it again. DC decided it would be good to make them ghost, so you phase through them when you run into them. But the scripted nature of the game kicks you in the balls once more, as you've just found perfect cover and are picking off "bad guys" when some dickhead comes and stands right on top of you, leaving your bullets pounding their lowers intestine as they cry "friendly fire!". Fuck you, I was here first. And of course, they have no sense of where you're shooting at feel it fine to run across your direct line of fire before yelling at you to watch where you're shooting. Thanks. I was also rammed off the road more than once on my ATV by this tosser, and of course after he sends me flying into a tree he reminds me we're on a tight schedule. Why can't this be like CoD and kill these fuckers? Please?

And of course, most of the game is presented in stupid military lingo. This means not only do I get lost when receiving more bad directions into invisible walls, but when I have a spotter, I have no fucking clue where he's asked me to look. And God forbid you don't work out the number 4 shoots Hellfire missiles when in a helicopter, a piece of information that appears for roughly 0.2 seconds at the start of a mission before you even fucking need it.




ENEMY ROCKS AT TANGO-TWO-NINER

So, in short, buggy, linear and boring as batshit. Completely ruined by shitty pacing, annoying dickhead squadmates, invisible walls and no atmosphere. But you'll probably still like it if you have a hard-on for any and every military US intervention since 2000.

5 4 3/10 Thumb down

EDIT: FUCKING CUNTBAGS, IF YOU'RE TELLING ME WE'RE IN SUCH A MASSIVE HURRY DON'T INSTAKILL ME THE SECOND I TURN THE CORNER AHEAD OF YOUR SLOW ASS CUNTFUCKING SQUAD

FOUR OUT OF TEN FOR YOU

EDIT 2: EVERY TIME I RAGE QUIT I KNOCK THE SCORE DOWN. STOP PRETENDING TO HAVE CUTSCENES, AND MAKE SOME AI THAT CAN GET THE ALPHABET RIGHT IN ONE SITTING OKAY?


Last edited by teh_pwning_dude on Tue Nov 16, 2010 8:47 am; edited 1 time in total

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Re: Dude Reviews CoDClones: Part One - MoH

Post by PayJ on Tue Nov 16, 2010 7:30 am

I thought the game wouldn't be good. You simply confirmed it. Jesus MoH just die.

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Re: Dude Reviews CoDClones: Part One - MoH

Post by Dude on Tue Nov 16, 2010 8:07 am

PayJ567 wrote:I thought the game wouldn't be good. You simply confirmed it. Jesus MoH just die.

It's just bad design, it's as simple as that.

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Re: Dude Reviews CoDClones: Part One - MoH

Post by MilkyFresh on Tue Nov 16, 2010 9:05 am

Yeah, that game looked like a bloated arsehole from the start. It's a shame, fond memories of playing the early ones with my friend in grade 3 or so... Oh well, I certainly won't be getting it. Nice review too.

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Re: Dude Reviews CoDClones: Part One - MoH

Post by GrinningManiac on Wed Nov 17, 2010 7:09 pm

Once again, TF2 comes out on top

*walks away whistling happily*

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