BIRTHDAY

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BIRTHDAY

Post by Xandy on Fri Jun 01, 2012 11:37 am

It's my 18th.


Last edited by Xandy on Sat Jun 02, 2012 3:34 pm; edited 1 time in total

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Re: BIRTHDAY

Post by Furburt on Fri Jun 01, 2012 11:44 am

Dammit Xandy, I was just about to make the thread! It would have had hookers.

You ruined everything!

Anyway, happy 18th! May many drunken nights and eerily convincing transvestites await you.

Happy hugs.


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Re: BIRTHDAY

Post by Terria on Fri Jun 01, 2012 1:20 pm

Moar like birthGAY amirite

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Re: BIRTHDAY

Post by Furburt on Fri Jun 01, 2012 1:29 pm

Yes, yes you are right. Very right indeed.

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Re: BIRTHDAY

Post by Xandy on Fri Jun 01, 2012 1:53 pm

Furburt I demand that you give me the Momo Murphy omnibus collection as my birthday gift.

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Re: BIRTHDAY

Post by Furburt on Fri Jun 01, 2012 1:54 pm

When I get it printed I'll send you a copy.

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Re: BIRTHDAY

Post by PayJ on Fri Jun 01, 2012 4:13 pm

Happy Birthday. I totally didn't send you a birthday card filled with anthrax...

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Re: BIRTHDAY

Post by MilkyFresh on Fri Jun 01, 2012 4:17 pm

I guess it's kind of happy

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Re: BIRTHDAY

Post by Furburt on Fri Jun 01, 2012 6:52 pm

Wrote you a Momo Murphy chapter.

Chapter 36

Xanadu is waiting, holding hell back with arms, not hands, so tall he can compare himself to mountains favourably without being accused of exaggeration, his arms pound as earth force upon the ground that causes tectonic shifts which causes evolutionary bottlenecks which causes ethnic strife which causes Iran, which causes Iranian running shoes, which causes broken limbs at the 2016 olympics, which causes 2012 to happen retrospectively.

Xanadu is pounding, pounding as earth force upon the ground. A man half his size would drink a lake in agony after not long, but Xanadu is pounding. The entire British political establishment is gambling, gambling like mad women at the darby.
They want to bet on Xanadu, but they don't even know that he exists, so they sent out their best men in a boat built for their worst men in the hope that the French will copy them and fail as terribly as they are about to now.

Don Church, a lighthouse operator who charmed queers into range regularly, took a break from his senselessness and focused his ultra-shooby binoculars in the direction of Xanadu.

He saw the action unfold with a weary glint, first royal marines would toss themselves into the water from their zodiacs, sacrificing their bones for a flabby scientist, who sat on a yacht many miles away pretending not to pretend to himself that he was a government employee with a bathrobe and a tan.

He was meant to be supporting them with hell-fire, but fell asleep in a martini and was drank by a hungry female. Tragic.

Xanadu seemed to not care, he kept pounding, each pound separating the world of water beneath him, and exposing the underside of the ocean. He had expected it to be the colour of brown, but instead the only way to describe it was to kill Tobias.

He kept smashing the surf in order to reach the fabled dry zone underneath, burning through his hands with a pain not unlike ambition for ones former father to do well in pointless agony.
Colonel Winston Winstone took pause for a second to consider his options. Xanadu was on the other side of a fabled wall.

Fabled walls were sacred blends of earth and water that operated around areas that holy men had tread. By this we do not mean scumsuckers like the pope or the ayatollah, who cause apathy and dismay, by this we mean holy men like Ron Howard.

He once tread on the atlantic in a brief period in his career between films where he impersonated a drowning man for his own amusement.

Using a clever system designed by his own, he could keep himself, visually, in a state of perpetual drowning. He would peruse the local ship routes for hours, row himself out to the optimum apex of water and tide and feeling and mankind and dump himself there for hours.

Hypothermia wouldn't even give him pause for thought. It was as the 14th cruise ship passed by mournfully that he realized his newfound obsession had given him the opportunity to commune directly with God.

God told him to sail to each point in the galaxy, starting with Earth and moving onto other places, where he would deploy a bag of Holy at each location, ensuring it was a fruitful place forever. It would have to be in the water, because water is a happy, holy place. Fish believe in God.

He only left 5 locations on Earth before fleeing to Titan, but each of them is so convenient that within 200 miles of its position a fabled wall can be formed by any of such a disposition to do such a thing as erect a fabled wall.

However, people with this disposition are rare and far apart, and don't bond well with their horses, so Winston Winstone knew that this was an unusual occurrence that was not covered by his Handy Manual.

He searched for the biggest gun he could find among the small vessel and raked his teammates with lead. Their incessant thinking was growing loud on his already strained mind. Their death would serve as a warning to himself that he kills people when upset.

Xanadu paid no heed to the dutch inherited gobblings of the sapiens below. He kept pounding, and pounding, and pounding.

The sway in the water was caused by the disruption of the aqua firma by the pounding we have previously mentioned. Unfortunately, in the moments preceding the event that follows the event I am describing now and soon after the death of his crewmen, Winston inhaled all the compressed oxygen.

He drifted through the boat, rubbing himself calmly on the straps and oars, feeling the majesty of the sweet oxygen coasting through his brain. He slid into the water without a care in the world.
He felt his oneself being tugged each which way by the conflicting currents created by Xanadu, one 34m away, one 66m. Unfortunately, he was busy feeling himself becoming a new man again to feel the slide under the first. Soon, water gave way to air, and he felt Xanadu make him part of the earth from which he sprang.

This is not the whole story of Xanadu, but it's the part everyone shouts about when they're drunk and angry.


Last edited by Furburt on Sat Jun 02, 2012 10:39 am; edited 1 time in total

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Re: BIRTHDAY

Post by Xandy on Fri Jun 01, 2012 7:11 pm

That was terrible. My entire day has been ruined now thanks to you.

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Re: BIRTHDAY

Post by Furburt on Fri Jun 01, 2012 7:27 pm

My pleasure.

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Re: BIRTHDAY

Post by Hubilub on Fri Jun 01, 2012 7:49 pm

Why didn't I get any birthday thread? Bitches

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Re: BIRTHDAY

Post by Xandy on Fri Jun 01, 2012 8:20 pm

Because you were too lazy to make one?

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Re: BIRTHDAY

Post by Xandy on Fri Jun 01, 2012 8:21 pm

ALSO YOU TOTALLY HAD ONE LAST YEAR

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Re: BIRTHDAY

Post by Komrade Kharloth on Fri Jun 01, 2012 8:36 pm

I'd suck you dick but to do so would be a sin. Instead have some GLORIOUS CATHOLIC LATIN CHANTS.


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Re: BIRTHDAY

Post by Xandy on Fri Jun 01, 2012 11:26 pm

Sorry, but I only listen to religious chants praising the one true lord - the God Emperor of Mankind.

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Re: BIRTHDAY

Post by Sassafrassy on Sat Jun 02, 2012 1:09 am


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Re: BIRTHDAY

Post by Pararaptor on Sat Jun 02, 2012 1:39 am



I got drunk to celebrate.
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Re: BIRTHDAY

Post by Xandy on Sat Jun 02, 2012 1:55 am



I haz presents.

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Re: BIRTHDAY

Post by Xandy on Sat Jun 02, 2012 4:04 am

Also got Deus Ex: HR and the Metal Gear Solid HD Collection.

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Re: BIRTHDAY

Post by Komrade Kharloth on Sat Jun 02, 2012 4:34 am


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Re: BIRTHDAY

Post by PayJ on Sat Jun 02, 2012 9:22 am

Fuck you Xandus. Your moustache destroys my pathetic bum fluff. Fuck you.

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Re: BIRTHDAY

Post by Furburt on Sat Jun 02, 2012 9:28 am

He got the right genes, boy.

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Re: BIRTHDAY

Post by PayJ on Sat Jun 02, 2012 9:30 am

Least I don't need glasses... yet.

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Re: BIRTHDAY

Post by Hubilub on Sat Jun 02, 2012 9:31 am

I got a trip to Ireland.

So Fuck You

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Re: BIRTHDAY

Post by Furburt on Sat Jun 02, 2012 9:34 am

I had glasses once, but I made myself not need glasses by sheer force of will.

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Re: BIRTHDAY

Post by Guest on Mon Jun 04, 2012 4:16 pm

3 day late Happy Birthday.

Over the hangover yet?

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Re: BIRTHDAY

Post by Xandy on Mon Jun 04, 2012 7:13 pm

Oddly I did not drink any alcohol at all.

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Re: BIRTHDAY

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