Writing General

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Re: Writing General

Post by PayJ on Sat Nov 24, 2012 8:28 pm

If one more thing goes wrong for you I can imagine you cracking and going on a mental killing spree. Shotgun being your training mentor who Tony runs down while out on the piss at the tax payers expense.

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Re: Writing General

Post by LordCuthberton on Sat Nov 24, 2012 8:33 pm

Nothing goes wrong for me, new lifestyle changes occur, that's all!

And I like this idea, WIGGLES GET TO IT

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Re: Writing General

Post by Xandy on Sat Nov 24, 2012 9:03 pm

Somebody write a story about me.

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Re: Writing General

Post by Hubilub on Sat Nov 24, 2012 9:23 pm

I'm on it.

Someone gimme the key-concepts

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Re: Writing General

Post by Mr. Wiggles on Sat Nov 24, 2012 9:24 pm

Done.

The epic tale is over.

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Re: Writing General

Post by Mr. Wiggles on Sat Nov 24, 2012 9:35 pm

It was too late though. There was no way I could catch up with Blair.

Defeated and out of breath, I collapsed on the empty pavement. In the distance, I heard sirens coming and I knew I had failed.

Suddenly, I saw a blue Aston Martin hurtling towards me. I tried to rush to my feet to no avail. Fortunately, the car stopped just in time. Rule Brittania was blasting from the speakers, as I finally got to my feet and hobbled around the side of the car. In the back seat was a collection of several military firearms. I turned to the driver but before I could say a word, the figure spoke in a calm yet authoritative tone “Get in the car.”

I did so and immediately, the car shot off down the empty roads.

“I heard what was happening on Radio 4 and came as quickly as I could” said John Major, his face painted with a wry smile. “I’ve waited years for this and we’ve come too far to go back now.” I stared blankly at the face of the man, I had dreamed of one day meeting.

“No time to day dream now. Grab that Kalashnikov” he said. I reached into the backseat and grabbed the custom AK47. “When I was Prime Minister, the boys at MI6 insisted I had my car fitted with a GPS tracker. In theory, we should be able to hack into that tracker beacon and end New Labour for good.”

Finding my voice, I said “But how are we going to do that? I don’t have the expertise to hack into an encrypted GPS”

Major gave me another wry grin. “That’s why I called in a little back up.” He accelerated, sending the car flying around the corner before pulling up the handbrake and violently skidding into a BP petrol station.

“What the devil are we doing here?” I asked in confusion.

“I said I called in some help did I not” came Major’s ominous reply.

Then I heard something, a thundering on the horizon. Out of nowhere, a small helicopter came in to land, on the empty ground beside the forecourt. The whole vehicle had been emblazoned with a collage of Union Jacks.

Major stuck a selection of firearms in a duffel bag before walking over to the helicopter. I followed behind him clutching the Kalashnikov. We both climbed in the back seats of the helicopter. “Good evening” a woman’s voice called out.

Major piped up. “Good to see you, Maggie”. The pilot turned around and there at the controls sat Maggie Thatcher herself. “Any luck hunting Blair down?”

The helicopter lifted up off the ground. “Yes, he appears to have headed for the Labour heartlands of Glasgow” Thatcher bellowed over the sound of the propellers, “Good show, Henry, for too long this nation has been merely a puppet to Unions and the likes of Bob Crow.”

The flight seemed to take aeons, yet in what my watch claimed to be twenty minutes, we were hovering over the M1 northbound. “Brace yourselves, he could be armed” warned Maggie. Major and I stared out scanning the traffic.

Then suddenly, John called out. “INSIDE LANE! INSIDE LANE!” I averted my gaze and spotted the 4x4 cruising up the motorway. The helicopter dropped in altitude and Major pulled a grenade launcher from the duffel bag. “Open fire.” Major gave the command and we both slid the door open. I emptied several bursts from the Kalashnikov but they missed, sending a lorry swerving. Major’s grenade tore up the road causing the truck to tip over sending its contents spilling across the carriageway. The traffic, from behind the truck, swerved and crashed, piling up all over the road. Now, only the black Range Rover sped down the motorway.

Major gave yet another wry smile. “Bring us in close, Maggie.”

We now hovered a brief distance away from Blair’s car. Without a word, John Major produced a military shotgun from the duffel bag and fired two clips into the side of the car. Blair’s car appeared mostly unharmed with only some scrapes along the paintwork. Then from nowhere, the tire burst. Much like his numerous political scandals, Mandelson scrabbled around trying to regain control, but ultimately failed, sending the car hurtling into the embankment.

The helicopter hovered still. Smoke was billowing from the bonnet of the Range Rover.

John smiled his notorious wry smile. “There’s no way they could have survived that.”

Thatcher turned around and stared at the both of us. “Henry, John, finish them.”

“Yes ma’am” I nodded and turned to John as he rappelled out of the helicopter. Quickly, I followed suit, slinging the AK over my back and grasping the rope.

I hit the ground and collapsed immediately, the treacherous nature of my balance had once again betrayed me. John offered me a hand to my feet and we slowly headed towards the car. I breathed in cautiously. Everything seemed to have stopped. Eventually, we reached the rear of the car. Major took point, reaching for the handle on the driver’s side.

Slowly, he pulled the door open. TATATATATATAT Bullets tore through John Major’s chest and he fell back to the ground. He turned his head to me wearily and on his lips was fixed a wry smile. Mandelson poked his head out of the door and I lit him up with twelve shots of monkey puzzler. His limp corpse slumped noiselessly to the floor.

Now, I stumbled towards John, falling at the last minute.

“John! Not like this!” I cried. Tears streamed down my cheeks.

His lungs filled with blood, he choked out “The politician… who never made a mistake” He coughed violently, blood frothing from his mouth. “Never made a decision…” With that his head slumped to one side and his eyes faded, staring off into the distance.

I regained myself and stood up. Only to find Blair stood behind me with a shining black handgun pointed at my head.

“You came very far.” Blair smiled. “But I can’t allow you to eliminate New Labour. We are the future of Britain.”

“Your nothing, Blair and the people know it. RULE BRITTANIA!” I cried my voice tinged with emotion and my lungs filled with pride.

From nowhere, a shot rang out and Blair fell to the ground clutching his foot.

I turned back and saw the Grey Man had pulled the trigger of his shotgun in one final act of vengeance. Taking advantage of the situation, I produced a duelling pistol and levelled it at Blair’s head.

“Freedom of speech says hello.” And with that I shot him cleanly through the forehead.
He fell back against the wheel arch, the wound pouring blood over his face.

At last, it was over and Britain was free from the tyranny of the unions.

EPILOGUE:

I looked up in the sky and saw Maggie coming into land. She leapt out the helicopter and ran over to me.

“What happened to John?” she squealed in a highly uncharacteristic manner.

I stared bleakly at John’s corpse. “Mandelson got him but he knew what the stakes were. He gave his life for the Conservative cause… to rid England and all her isles of the New Labour scourge.”

“What does one do now?” she turned to me.

I smiled, all my dreams were coming true at once.

“Well, there’s a Premier Inn up the road if you catch my drift.”

Spoiler:




THE BLOODY END.


Last edited by Mr. Wiggles on Sat Nov 24, 2012 9:47 pm; edited 1 time in total

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Re: Writing General

Post by Mr. Wiggles on Sat Nov 24, 2012 9:44 pm

None of y'all can compete with this shit! BOOYAKASHA!

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Re: Writing General

Post by Mr. Wiggles on Sat Nov 24, 2012 9:46 pm

What I mean is that puts the motherfucking E's into EPIC!

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Re: Writing General

Post by LordCuthberton on Sat Nov 24, 2012 10:14 pm

Well that was interesting to say the least.

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Re: Writing General

Post by PayJ on Sun Nov 25, 2012 12:37 am

I liked that ending. Nothing like ending on a porno.

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Re: Writing General

Post by MilkyFresh on Sun Nov 25, 2012 2:24 pm

That was fucking brilliant dude, fuck my arse. Write a fucking book.

Next up: Benjamin writes a story about Xandy visiting Persia. Not Iran, Persia.

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Re: Writing General

Post by Xandy on Sun Nov 25, 2012 3:39 pm

FREEDOM FOR PERSIA

DEATH TO THE MUDSLIME KEBAB REGIME

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Re: Writing General

Post by Hubilub on Sun Nov 25, 2012 3:40 pm

I will do it for you, Xandus

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Re: Writing General

Post by PayJ on Sun Nov 25, 2012 3:45 pm

Cue vast amounts of Carpet munching.

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Re: Writing General

Post by Hubilub on Sun Nov 25, 2012 4:42 pm

"Why... Why have you done this?" The corpses of the Iranian Cabinet were strewn about the floor of the Emergency Nuclear Bunker, situated under the Islamic Consultative Assembly of Iran. The head of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad had been ripped from his body, and was now adorning the tip of his murderer's spear. The only two people left standing in the room, was the murderer, and the Supreme Leader, Ali Khamenei. "Why have you come for me?" the Supreme Leader asked the man who was soon to take his life as well. "Do you not understand, that Iran shall fall to the might of the Jews? They will infiltrate our cities, they will siphon our wealth, they will-"
"Shhhhh..." the killer interrupted. The Supreme Leader, never having been hushed in his entire life, fell completely silent. All his life he had believed in the glory of Allah, but now he could feel that glory fade away, replaced by fear and hatred of this man, this killer, who had come for his soul. But the killer made no other attempt at communicating, and after a few seconds had passed, seconds that had felt as long as decades, the Supreme Leader dared speak again.
"Please tell my why you have done this? Why have you brought chaos upon the mighty republic of Iran?" He looked into the killer's eyes. He saw only darkness. Slowly, his lips began to move, and he spoke.
"I have not come to any republic of Iran," he said, his voice sending chills down the Supreme Leader's spine. "I have come to the glorious empire of Persia." He took a step forward. The Supreme Leader took several steps back, until his back was against the wall.
"What...?" he asked, failing to understand. "You have come... to Persia?"
"I have," said the killer, raising his spear to his mouth and biting into the skin of the head of Iran's President. It was penetrated, but no blood came, for it had long since flowed out onto the floor. With great strength in both jaw and neck, the killer freed the spear from the head, which he threw to the ground. Then he spat out the remaining pieces of face which had lodged themselves between his teeth, and finally focused his eyes once again on the Supreme Leader. He aimed his spear against his heart. "You know it, do you not?" he said, removing from his chest pocket a golden medallion. "The ancient spell with which one can swim against the current of time, created to ensure the great warriors of Persia the possibility to return to their empire's glory days, should the time ever come when it would crumble and be usurped, and there would be need to warn the past of the future's dangers." He took another step forward. "I am the last of these great warriors," he said, taking a third, then a fourth, then a fifth step. "And I have come to return to my glorious empire. All I must do..."
"No! No please do-" The killer rammed his spear through the heart of the Supreme Leader.
"-Is kill the usurper." And instantly, as the life of the Supreme Leader ended, the golden medallion began to glow, basking the room in glorious light. The killer smiled, letting go of the spear, and extended his arms up towards the sky. The medallion left his hand, hovering above him, glowing ever stronger by each second.
"I, Xandus, the last of the Persian warriors, am returning home!"

To be continued...

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Re: Writing General

Post by Xandy on Sun Nov 25, 2012 4:54 pm

Orgasm
Glorious!

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Re: Writing General

Post by Mr. Wiggles on Sun Nov 25, 2012 7:52 pm

Xandy wrote: Orgasm
Glorious!

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Re: Writing General

Post by MilkyFresh on Mon Nov 26, 2012 12:05 pm

Fucking hell, I am loving the shit out of this

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Re: Writing General

Post by Mr. Wiggles on Sun Dec 30, 2012 5:52 pm

WHY DID THIS EVER END?

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Re: Writing General

Post by MilkyFresh on Sun Dec 30, 2012 6:02 pm

Mr. Wiggles wrote:WHY DID THIS EVER END?
WHO'S NEXT

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Re: Writing General

Post by Mr. Wiggles on Sun Dec 30, 2012 6:09 pm

MilkyFresh wrote:
Mr. Wiggles wrote:WHY DID THIS EVER END?
WHO'S NEXT

XANDY PART TWO? PAYJ, MANIAC, KATZENKAMMER, FURBURT NIGGAS DECIDE THIS SHIT! I MUST READ MORE.

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Re: Writing General

Post by MilkyFresh on Sun Dec 30, 2012 6:19 pm

My vote goes towards Ben finishing his Persian epic.

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Re: Writing General

Post by Mr. Wiggles on Sun Dec 30, 2012 6:20 pm

MOTION PASSED! NOW LET US ALL MAKE WHIP CRACK NOISES UNTIL BEN CONCLUDES THE TALE IN A SATISFACTORY MANNER.

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Re: Writing General

Post by Mr. Wiggles on Sun Dec 30, 2012 6:31 pm

*WHIP CRACK NOISE*

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Re: Writing General

Post by PayJ on Sun Dec 30, 2012 6:44 pm

Didn't even know this was written. I demand a continuation that was excellebatedory.

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Re: Writing General

Post by Xandy on Sun Dec 30, 2012 9:34 pm

MilkyFresh wrote:My vote goes towards Ben finishing his Persian epic.

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Re: Writing General

Post by MilkyFresh on Tue Feb 05, 2013 4:39 pm

I've started writing the outline to what could be, I think, a decent screenplay. Got a loose overall description and about a third of a scene-by-scene outline done.
Trying to approach this one in a more achievable way, rather than just making it up as i go along. Feeling good about it so far.

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Re: Writing General

Post by PayJ on Tue Feb 05, 2013 5:37 pm

Post a bit up negroe.

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Re: Writing General

Post by MilkyFresh on Tue Feb 05, 2013 5:54 pm

Nah, I don't want to do that yet, it's still just a loose synopsis. Most of what is written down is more a reminder to myself than anything, you know? It isn't written in a way that will make a lot of sense to anybody else.

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Re: Writing General

Post by MilkyFresh on Wed Feb 06, 2013 5:46 pm

Okay, I need some advice for the story. My protagonist (a low level drug dealer) has skipped town with his supplier's girlfriend. He is now in Melbourne setting up to start dealing again. How should the supplier find him again, so that proper conflict can happen? I was going to have it that the protagonist's new supplier knows him and reports in, but that feels way too much like a coincidence. Things shouldn't happen by coincidence in stories, it's a total cop out.
The most important thing about this story is the morally questionable protagonist, it would definitely be best if he fucks things up for himself through his own greed or his disregard for his girlfriend. Somehow. Any ideas?

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Re: Writing General

Post by PayJ on Wed Feb 06, 2013 5:54 pm

Forces the girlfriends mum to tell him where she has moved to?

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Re: Writing General

Post by Mr. Wiggles on Wed Feb 06, 2013 5:55 pm

I suggest that the supplier bribes the police into getting his details and finds him that way. That happened to a friend of mine. True story.

I am very high though.

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Re: Writing General

Post by MilkyFresh on Wed Feb 06, 2013 6:00 pm

PayJ wrote:Forces the girlfriends mum to tell him where she has moved to?
Hasn't got any family to speak of, and if she did it would still feel like kind of a cop out. If I was in the audience I'd just be thinking "well why the fuck didn't she warn her parents about the terrifying psychopath?"
Mr. Wiggles wrote:I suggest that the supplier bribes the police into getting his details and finds him that way. That happened to a friend of mine. True story.

I am very high though.
This is better, but I don't like having the supplier feel that powerful. He's really not that high up in things himself, just higher than the protagonist.

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Re: Writing General

Post by Mr. Wiggles on Wed Feb 06, 2013 6:10 pm

How about the Supplier hires some hitmen to find him and kill him?

I am very high and have run out of ideas.

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Re: Writing General

Post by MilkyFresh on Wed Feb 06, 2013 6:20 pm

Nah, same problem as before. This is no Sosa.

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Re: Writing General

Post by Xandy on Wed Feb 06, 2013 6:22 pm

It should be mentioned offhand throughout the length of the story that he practices Krav Maga. When the hitmen come for him, he hits them in the nuts until they die in a gritty Tarantino-esque fight scene with RZA playing in the background.

I am not high this is just how I am.

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Re: Writing General

Post by MilkyFresh on Wed Feb 06, 2013 6:25 pm

Miracle is Confused

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Re: Writing General

Post by Xandy on Wed Feb 06, 2013 6:26 pm

Also have a dragon show up at the end.

I don't know how, just do it.

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Re: Writing General

Post by MilkyFresh on Wed Feb 06, 2013 6:36 pm

Maybe it's Puff the Magic Dragon and he wants to buy some crack

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Re: Writing General

Post by Xandy on Wed Feb 06, 2013 6:46 pm

YES

Also write a chapter from Puff's perspective showing what life is like for a person who's mind has been irreparably destroyed by drug addiction.

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Re: Writing General

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