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Re: Marter's Reviews

Post by Movie Martyr on Fri Dec 02, 2011 5:12 am

I'd rather not.

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Re: Marter's Reviews

Post by Terria on Fri Dec 02, 2011 10:24 am

Hubilub wrote:Now do Freddy got Fingered

Also A Serbian Film.

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Re: Marter's Reviews

Post by Movie Martyr on Sat Dec 03, 2011 1:39 am

Déjà Vu
Déjà Vu left me very confused. For not one second did I think that the science involved could be possible, but I think it broke its own rules in the process of breaking previous time traveling conventions. By the time it ended, I didn't care much any more, and hoped that I could use the device featured in the film to stop me from getting past the first hour, because that's when the fun stops.

We begin by watching a ferry, and by extension, the people on the ferry. We go around, we see a child lose her doll in the water, and basically just observe life. Then the ship blows up, and all these people die. 543 people are sent to the bottom of the river, if I remember correctly. Enter ATF Special Agent Douglas Carlin (Denzel Washington), who is sent to investigate this explosion. Why him? Well, he's very good at figuring out what should and shouldn't be at a crime scene. Oh, and he's also played by Denzel Washington. That helps too.

The end up discovering a body of a woman named Claire Kuchever (Paula Patton). She has burns on 30% of her body, and her fingers appear to have been severed by shrapnel. There's a problem though: Her body was uncovered before the explosion occurred, and was found in a place going against the current. If that's not suspicious, nothing is. We then decide to focus on her and her assumed murder, with the presumption being that if her killer's found, then so will the person who triggered the explosion. If I was on the case, I'd assume it wasn't just a one-person job, but that thought doesn't seem to cross anyone's mind.

We then enter a facility that contains a mystical technology dubbed "Snow White," which allows our characters to observe events that happened in the past using satellite surveillance. Apparently, satellites actually take 360 degree photos, and are able to capture all sound effects as well. The catch is that you can only view things that happened four and a half days ago, and you can't rewind your footage. What's the reasoning behind that? Apparently it would require too much hard drive space to do that.

We follow Claire around and watch her live her life for a while. After some time, we find out, just as Douglas does, that this machine can also send things back in time, although we're told it can't be anything large or alive, nor will it actually be able to alter the past. If you think you know where the plot is going from here, you're probably right.

It's at this point when I stopped caring. Déjà Vu sets itself up as a mystery film where we get to solve the case of the blown-up ferry, but instead, we end up with a man-on-a-mission story that isn't all that interesting because we've seen it all before. If the technology had just done what we initially thought it could, it would have been more interesting, because that's a unique technology. Bringing time travel into it just gets messy and less interesting the more it's used.

While we open with an explosion, we don't get much action until the final third of the movie, which has many explosions -- most of which are implausible -- and a couple of high-speed driving sequences. If a car is hit while you're backing up, does it automatically explode? Having never been in an accident, I wouldn't know, but at least three of them do in this movie, and I had a hard time believing that. It also didn't add anything to the plot, and since it came near the end, I wager director Tony Scott found out he was under-budget, and wanted to blow some more things up.

Déjà Vu loses steam way before it ends. Like I said, once the time travel gets involved, I almost completely lost interest. The first hour is an intense mystery movie, while the second is an action movie about a guy wanting to save a girl. He doesn't seem to care much about those 543 people who die in the explosion though. When the movie ends, which it does on a very silly note, I had been ready for the finale for at least 30 minutes.

When Déjà Vu works well, it's because we're not sure what's going on, but we want to find out. When it fails, we're confused but don't care enough to think about how what's going on is possible. There just aren't enough interesting parts to balance out the poor, which left me feeling as if I wasted my time. Parts work, especially early on, but it didn't keep my interest once it brought in time travel and degenerated into an action film.

Denzel Washington is a strong lead, and he gives a solid performance here. So does Paula Patton, someone who gets more screen time than I anticipated she would. Some of the things they're forced to say and do are ridiculous, but coming from them, I could almost buy in. In the end though, I couldn't. What they're forced to do is just too silly to be believable, and even in a movie where time travel exists, I couldn't wrap my head around the logic in this movie.

Déjà Vu is really good for its first hour, and pretty bad for the second, unless you still aren't tired of action movies with the most basic of plots. The science doesn't make a lot of sense, the ending is frustrating, and the mystery ends up taking a back seat to a man trying to change the past, despite being told multiple times that he cannot. There are good moments, but they're pushed aside for the bad and outright ridiculous.
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Re: Marter's Reviews

Post by Sassafrassy on Sat Dec 03, 2011 4:16 am

#Carsdoactuallyexplodewhenyouhitthemwhiletheyrebackingup
#Alsowhentheyexplodewhenyourolloncescrapthepaintworkonabushandtapthe dashboard
#HasHollywoodtaughtyounothingaboutthisyet?

#LolinsideTwitterjokes


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Re: Marter's Reviews

Post by Movie Martyr on Sat Dec 03, 2011 4:19 am

#repeatcommentsarenofun
#buthashtagtalkis
#anyhashtalkonthissitewillprobablybeaccepted

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Re: Marter's Reviews

Post by Sassafrassy on Sat Dec 03, 2011 4:20 am

#Imunoriginalbiteme
#Wellitsmorefunandbarebalethangreenspeak
#ImrepeatingmyselfIneedacracker

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Re: Marter's Reviews

Post by MilkyFresh on Sat Dec 03, 2011 11:09 pm

That is much more annoying than green text. Green text is just green, and I feel less compelled to read it.

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Re: Marter's Reviews

Post by Alkaline on Sat Dec 03, 2011 11:18 pm

Milkyfresh wrote:That is much more annoying than green text. Green text is just green, and I feel less compelled to read it.

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Re: Marter's Reviews

Post by Movie Martyr on Sun Dec 04, 2011 12:22 am

King Kong
In remaking King Kong, Peter Jackson has done something incredibly impressive. He not only brought more heart to the classic tale, but he also did it with incredible visual style and incredible characters. Kong has never looked better, and there is almost seamless CGI used in his creation. I say almost, because at times, we can easily tell that the titular ape isn't really there, which, apart from the film's gargantuan running time serves to be the only major issue it has.

The story really comes in two parts. The first involves a journey to a magical island that nobody has ever been to, yet a film director/producer/writer/cinematographer named Carl Denahm (Jack Black) has managed to acquire its whereabouts. The studio executives have decided to scrap his latest feature, yet he's determined. He hires a woman off the street, Ann Darrow (Naomi Watts), he gets his crew together on a ship that's used to capture wild animals like rhinoceros and elephants. There are too many named characters to state at the moment (at least four), but I'll try to get through them as the review goes on.

First and foremost is the ship's captain, Englehorn (Thomas Kretschmann). I liked him. He had more personality than some of the other characters. He also had more sense in some instances. When others wanted to press on in this undiscovered island, he wanted to go back and make a run for it on the high seas. His first mate is a man maned Ben (Evan Parke), who has a strange relationship with one of the other important members, Jimmy (Jamie Bell). It's almost like a father-son relationship here, and it would have been nice for us to get even more depth about it.

Arguably the biggest name actor in the film is Adrien Brody, who plays a writer named Jack. He falls for Ann almost the second that he meets her, and will end up playing a pivotal role when she gets captured by the 25-foot gorilla (spoiler alert!). Eventually, everyone ends up on the island. It turns out, natives live there, and they're savages. They kill an unnamed member of the crew before being pumped full of bullets. The crew decides to head back to the boat, which is currently trapped against some rocks.

In the middle of the night, the savages steal Ann and realize that sacrificing her to "Kong" (motion capture work done by Andy Serkis), the titular ape. He takes the sacrifice, but instead of killing her like we'd expect, he keeps her as his pet for a while. Jack, so in love with her, decides to lead a search party out into the wilderness to rescue her. Carl tags along to film everything we see, holding his camera closer to his chest than Kong does with Ann.

On the island, they encounter all sorts of things. This island, apart from the natives who stay behind a "100 foot wall," has not being interacted with since the dinosaur age. Since apparently nothing can touch what nobody knows about, dinosaurs still exist, and a lot of time and effort is spent rendering all sorts of dinosaur. There are also giant bugs and all sorts of other weird creatures, leading to a ton of interesting interactions between them and the humans, usually ending up bad for the humans.

I mentioned two parts, but I've only told you the first part so far. That's because the second, which takes up about the last 45 minutes to an hour of the film, happens in a different location and has a very different tone. I don't want to tell you what happens if you have no idea about King Kong's story from one of the previous iterations. I will say that it involves love instead of adventure, and is also quite emotionally involving, something I wouldn't have thought going in.

When you finally see the giant creature -- which I'd like to mention doesn't happen until around an hour in -- you'll probably be in awe of how incredible it looks. It almost looks lifelike, and the emotions that were able to be captured means its face ends up being its focal point. This works well, and it helps to give the "monster" life and a personality that you don't go in expecting to see. By the end of the film, you care about him just as much, if not more, than the humans. This makes portions of the film very touching, as you're wanting to see Kong get his way.

Visually, King Kong is a spectacle. It has amazing special effects that practically dominate every shot after the voyage to Skull Island begins. There is always something impressive to look at in terms of the effects, and this somewhat softens the film's main problem: Its length. Now, I don't have too much of a problem with the film taking more than three hours to tell its story, as I was always entertained, but I know that other audience members won't give it that much of their life.

That's too bad, as it's just such a good film, but I've talked to people who either fell asleep or turned off the film while it was playing. It does take a long time to get to get going, and some specific scenes could have been trimmed, but overall, it's worth the three hours it takes to sit through.

King Kong is an incredible film that is worth your time. I was in awe at many of the shots in this film, and when put together, we can an emotionally captivating film that is entertaining from start to finish, with very few moments when you'll be bored. While it may be too long for some people, I was so invested in the story that I didn't feel like I was wasting my time. Take that as a recommendation, as I'm often not one to like overlong films.
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Re: Marter's Reviews

Post by Walnutman on Sun Dec 04, 2011 12:32 am

I did like King Kong a lot, apart from three things. Naomi Watts got on my tits, mostly because most of her role is fucking screaming, roles like that always piss me off. The other two are

Spoiler:
The bit at the bottom of the ravine with the bugs because it's pretty much my worst nightmare and the scene in New York where Kong and Ann go ice skating, sooo damn cheesy

Apart from that it was excellent.

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Re: Marter's Reviews

Post by Xandy on Sun Dec 04, 2011 2:17 am

Lord of the Rings was still better.

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Re: Marter's Reviews

Post by Movie Martyr on Sun Dec 04, 2011 5:07 am

I'll agree to that.

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Re: Marter's Reviews

Post by Movie Martyr on Mon Dec 05, 2011 2:13 am

Three Kings
Treasure is something that a lot of people would like to find. That's where the childhood fascination with rainbows comes from; as kids, we desire the gold at the end of it. Now imagine getting the opportunity to take millions of dollars with minimal risk because the people you're stealing from don't have the authority to fight back. There's the basic idea of Three Kings.

Our setting is the Gulf War, or, more correctly, the tail end of it. A truce has been called, and Americans are currently cleaning up the mess, while also taking the chance to goof around a bunch. One man tries to surrender, but is shot in the neck. It's an accident, but the shooter is congratulated regardless because, well, he shot a man in the neck from an estimated 400 paces. Why wouldn't you want to celebrate that? A massive party ensues, but is quickly broken up by the leader of the military group. After all, they're escorting more prisoners the next day.

During the party, we meet our characters. We're told a quick detail about them thanks to some text that appears while we freeze-frame at an opportune moment. That man who got that great shot is named Troy (Mark Wahlberg), while the man next to him is called Vig (Spike Jonze), who "wants to be Troy." We also meet Chief Elgin (Ice Cube), a smart man who takes his job and his religion seriously. The next day, while taking these prisoners, they encounter a man who is unwilling to strip naked. He's hiding something between his lower cheeks. They take the piece, and Vig is forced to open it up. It's a map. Can you say "let's go on a treasure hunt"?

They need a leader though. Enter George Clooney as Major Archie Gates. We find out through text that he's retiring soon, although that's later reinforced through dialogue. He finds the men trying to analyze the map, and on a whim, decides that the four of them will try to find the treasure, which they determine is gold. So, we head out across the mine-filled desert in order to get enough gold so that these four men can quit their day jobs.

Do you expect things to go as planned? They do, although they wind up disappointed in that area. I'll leave you to find out exactly what happens, but suffice to say that a small skirmish breaks out, a couple of people are shot, one is captured leading to both a humorous and also quite depraved torture scene, and a rescue mission has to be attempted. It's exciting, inventive, has a message about American foreign policy, and also held my interest for the entire time it was playing.

Let's discuss this torture scene. I don't want to give away which of our cast members gets captured, but the main torturer is played by Saïd Taghmaoui (his character's name is also "Saïd"). The torturer speaks English in such a way that you'd expect him to be a surfer from Hawaii. He ends most sentences with "dude" or "my man" while is hilarious but that's not the only part of this scene that's funny. At one point, he asks the captured man "What's the deal with Michael Jackson?", although we are all questioning what that means. You laugh as he repeats it, but then the scene gets darker and ends slickly -- with oil. You'll understand when you watch it.

That's about how the entire film goes. It starts out quite lighthearted, but it turns dark around the middle point and never gets back to the same form of levity that it had in the beginning. That is, until the ending, which felt tacked-on just to appease the studios so that the film could be made at all. We get a small epilogue that ends with similar text to what we got in the introduction, and while it's kind of funny, I didn't think it completely fit.

When I say "rescue mission" earlier, I don't just mean it's about saving the lost squadmate. No, this film has its protagonists learning about the Iraqis that constantly surround them, and as they learn about them, they begin to care about them. One could argue that this is a mistake -- in fact, this is one of the reasons their theft doesn't go according to plan the first time -- but seeing the characters grow both helps the film and also allows it to get its message across near the end.

It also means that the action scenes have more weight to them. We care whenever people are getting shot at, and we want to see the captured member get rescued -- and we also don't want anyone to die in the rescue attempt. The action scenes are also well choreographed even if they're not on as large of a scale as you might expect. That's not a criticism, because it helps the film stay grounded, but it is worth mention so that you don't go in expecting a massive action film with grand shootout scenes, as you'll be disappointed.

Three Kings does a good job of mixing humor with drama and action. It's a trifecta, just like its title suggests, and while there are four lead characters, maybe the title was referring to these elements that make up the film. Regardless, it does all of them well and is most definitely worth the time it takes to watch it. However, I was disappointed with the fact that I never got an answer to the question "What's the deal with Michael Jackson?" I guess it doesn't matter now.
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Re: Marter's Reviews

Post by Furburt on Mon Dec 05, 2011 2:57 pm

Marter wrote:However, I was disappointed with the fact that I never got an answer to the question "What's the deal with Michael Jackson?" I guess it doesn't matter now.

But you do. The interrogator asks Barlow that question because he thinks that the American government forced Michael Jackson to change his colour. As he says "He is pop king of sick fucking country". He's just looking for ways to demonize America. Understandable, because of what happened to him.

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Re: Marter's Reviews

Post by Movie Martyr on Mon Dec 05, 2011 6:19 pm

I was trying to be clever.

Don't poke holes in this. :p

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Re: Marter's Reviews

Post by Furburt on Mon Dec 05, 2011 6:25 pm

I'LL POKE HOLES IN YOU, BITCH

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Re: Marter's Reviews

Post by Mr. Wiggles on Mon Dec 05, 2011 8:55 pm

I hated that film. Rented it with a friend out of boredom and by the end was found myself equally bored.

Topically, it's on TV tonight and the Metro described it as the film that transformed Clooney from "hit and miss". They have failed me.

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Re: Marter's Reviews

Post by Katzenjammer on Mon Dec 05, 2011 9:21 pm

Fuck you Wiggles.

Three Kings is poor.

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Re: Marter's Reviews

Post by PayJ on Mon Dec 05, 2011 9:28 pm

Mutual agreement!

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Re: Marter's Reviews

Post by Mr. Wiggles on Mon Dec 05, 2011 10:22 pm




Ice Cube is good.

Clooney can suck my cock.


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Re: Marter's Reviews

Post by Katzenjammer on Mon Dec 05, 2011 10:27 pm


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Re: Marter's Reviews

Post by Mr. Wiggles on Mon Dec 05, 2011 10:40 pm


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Re: Marter's Reviews

Post by Xandy on Mon Dec 05, 2011 11:23 pm

PayJ567 wrote:Fight!

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Re: Marter's Reviews

Post by Furburt on Mon Dec 05, 2011 11:58 pm

Three Kings is one of the worst war films of the last 20 years.

I pray for those motherfuckers.


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Re: Marter's Reviews

Post by PayJ on Mon Dec 05, 2011 11:59 pm



Critical beat down!

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Re: Marter's Reviews

Post by Furburt on Tue Dec 06, 2011 12:02 am

I'm not even looking for an argument, I've just been waiting to post that picture of Tupac.

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Re: Marter's Reviews

Post by PayJ on Tue Dec 06, 2011 12:11 am

Mofuckas betta quit ed-ting my posts. Dat shit's abuse of powa yo.

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Re: Marter's Reviews

Post by PayJ on Tue Dec 06, 2011 12:11 am

Although I love critical beatdown.

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Re: Marter's Reviews

Post by Furburt on Tue Dec 06, 2011 12:12 am

No, not Tupac! I hate Tupac!



Rakim, motherfuckers.

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Re: Marter's Reviews

Post by PayJ on Tue Dec 06, 2011 12:15 am



All about this sick MC here.

Talking about our kids playing together both black and white.

Now that's a beat we can all dip to.



Oh... wait.

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Re: Marter's Reviews

Post by Furburt on Tue Dec 06, 2011 12:16 am

The only way we will resolve our disputes is by fucking. All blacks against all whites. The next generation must be totally caramel coloured.

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Re: Marter's Reviews

Post by PayJ on Tue Dec 06, 2011 12:17 am

Or we could you know. Hunt the blacks?

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Re: Marter's Reviews

Post by Furburt on Tue Dec 06, 2011 12:22 am

You know they'll just hypnotize us with Jazz if we try.

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Re: Marter's Reviews

Post by PayJ on Tue Dec 06, 2011 12:23 am

If our fore fathers could do it damn we could do it!

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Re: Marter's Reviews

Post by Mr. Wiggles on Tue Dec 06, 2011 12:24 am

Fuck its the rozzers....

Um....oh man those Somalian Spaceninjas sure did edit your posts something fierce. Lucky, I was here to fight them off with pictures of Tupac!

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Re: Marter's Reviews

Post by Furburt on Tue Dec 06, 2011 12:25 am

Fucking Somalians. Stealing our boats!

Cameron

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Re: Marter's Reviews

Post by PayJ on Tue Dec 06, 2011 12:27 am

To be honest I think it's pretty funny it's the 21st century and we still can't deal with pirates.

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Re: Marter's Reviews

Post by Mr. Wiggles on Tue Dec 06, 2011 12:30 am

I think we should send in 北京特警总队. They use crossbows. It only makes logical sense to get 'medieval on their asses'.

Also segways. Also Super Talons.

@Furb: Not just any boats our spaceboats as well!

Also Minority wars.

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Re: Marter's Reviews

Post by PayJ on Tue Dec 06, 2011 12:36 am

Mr. T.J. Wiggles wrote:I think we should send in 北京特警总队. They use crossbows. It only makes logical sense to get 'medieval on their asses'.

Also segways. Also Super Talons.
Fuck that good ole SBS will deal with them. I know I've trained with them. They can make a man complete impossible tasks.

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Re: Marter's Reviews

Post by Mr. Wiggles on Tue Dec 06, 2011 12:40 am

PayJ567 wrote:
Mr. T.J. Wiggles wrote:I think we should send in 北京特警总队. They use crossbows. It only makes logical sense to get 'medieval on their asses'.

Also segways. Also Super Talons.
Fuck that good ole SBS will deal with them. I know I've trained with them. They can make a man complete impossible tasks.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special_Boat_Service

Or the SAS?

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