ML: A Full Paper Storybook, Printed on Digital

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ML: A Full Paper Storybook, Printed on Digital

Post by MilkyFresh on Mon Aug 22, 2011 11:26 am

Hey let's do that thing drama cunts do where you all write a story. You know, somebody writes a paragraph and the next person writes the next and then we all have a massive story that makes no sense. I'll start.

Once upon a time there was a man named Jacques Theroux. Jacques owned a sand factory somewhere in the great nation of France-Canadia, home of the carbon fibre cowbell and also mustard gas. His life was a life of unimaginable and indeterminate mundanity, the details of which had yet to be defined. Little did he know he was about to embark on an incredible adventure.
As he strolled out of the sand factory somewhere in the other half of 2009 his eyes were rended open viciously by a most spectacular and unusual sight.

DUN DUN

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Re: ML: A Full Paper Storybook, Printed on Digital

Post by Xandy on Mon Aug 22, 2011 12:35 pm

There were mooses slaughtering people. Crushing them with their hooves and ripping them open with their antlers. Riding atop the beasts were none other than Mounties, Canada's elite police officers. They shouted in their vile English tongue as their horned steeds butchered the french-canadians.

Jacques watched as two mounties dragged a fellow quebecois away. "HELP! THE WEST IS ATTACKING!" he screamed before they hung him from a tree.

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Re: ML: A Full Paper Storybook, Printed on Digital

Post by PayJ on Mon Aug 22, 2011 7:20 pm

Suddenly out of nowhere Jacques got dead. The End.

But then Hollywood changed the plot so a sequel could be made!

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Re: ML: A Full Paper Storybook, Printed on Digital

Post by Wayward on Mon Aug 22, 2011 7:59 pm

Hollywood edit: As Jacques fell to the ground dying, his face landed in a pile of magic moose shit, and some got in his mouth and he ate it, and it revived him and turned him into Shitty French Canada Man!

Stay tuned for the continuing adventures of Shitty French Canada Man!

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Re: ML: A Full Paper Storybook, Printed on Digital

Post by PayJ on Mon Aug 22, 2011 8:15 pm

Shitty French Canada Man formerly Jacques Theroux was thrown into a world he did not ask for.

Captain Bushby a former school friend of Jacques saw the incident and decided to steal Jacques identity. Captain Bushby paid for hookers, held expensive parties all on Jacques money.

Soon Shitty French Canada Man was up to his eyes in debt.

Stay on the line for Shitty French Canada Man!

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Re: ML: A Full Paper Storybook, Printed on Digital

Post by Xandy on Mon Aug 22, 2011 8:21 pm

Shitty French Canada Man decided it was time to deal with this crap. In the morning he walked over to the bank and attack the sexy french cashier with his shit-breath, one of the many powers he gained after eating magic moose shit.

As the cashier's face burned Shitty French Canada Man demanded that she have the bank cancel his debts less they tempt his wrath further. She did just that and then Shitty French Canada Man took her, raped her, burned her to death with his cigarette fingers and turned her into food since the Quebecois are assholes like that.

But as he finished his dinner he saw something spectacular out his window.

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Re: ML: A Full Paper Storybook, Printed on Digital

Post by Wayward on Mon Aug 22, 2011 9:18 pm

Outside his window, he saw the sexy french cashier's boss and mistress, The Toronto Dominatrix, coming to avenge the death of her employee! Shitty French Canada Man knew this would be an epic battle. He hit the floor as The Toronto Dominatrix fired a few rounds through his window. The sound of her boot-heels outside alerted him that she was just reaching the door as he made it across the room to a large trunk. He opened the trunk, revealing his vast collection of...

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Re: ML: A Full Paper Storybook, Printed on Digital

Post by Unabletothinkofname on Tue Aug 23, 2011 2:31 am

Unabletothinkofname action figures.

...

What? Neutral

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Re: ML: A Full Paper Storybook, Printed on Digital

Post by NightSwimming on Tue Aug 23, 2011 9:42 am

He ripped the delicate heads from the action figures. Inside each figure was a piece of silk. Black ink lined the boarders of the silk squares and inside the boarders an ink symbol was stained.

Shitty French Canada Man finally knew what his Great Grandpappy had meant. Grandpappy was lying in utter agony on his death bed, just 3 months before. He grabbed Jacques hand and whispered, "The symbols. Hhhnnngg. Make, a, pic...ture. Haaawwwnngg. They tell the story, of, your life, so...far."

Jacques Theroux sorted the symbols as follows:

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Re: ML: A Full Paper Storybook, Printed on Digital

Post by Furburt on Sat Aug 27, 2011 5:44 pm

Green to black, to represent his shift from Irish folk music to hardcore Nigerian rap, followed by a blue square to represent the time he pissed himself in court, followed by two brown squares to symbolize whiskey. And this was all that ever happened to him ever.

However, his symbol shifting was cut short by him discovering a horrible, pulsating boil on his...

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Re: ML: A Full Paper Storybook, Printed on Digital

Post by Komrade Kharloth on Sat Aug 27, 2011 7:55 pm

Gooch, he prodded at it with a steak knife for several minutes before coming back to reality and then he....

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Re: ML: A Full Paper Storybook, Printed on Digital

Post by Mr. Wiggles on Sun Aug 28, 2011 6:04 pm

... looked up, only to see the Toronto Dominatrix looming over him. He knew what he must do. Using his newly gained powers, he emptied his bowels out of his mouth. Absorbed in trying to remove the moose-man faeces from her high-heels, using the barrel of her gun. The Toronto Dominatrix had stopped paying attention to Shitty French Canada Man. Seeing his opportunity, he quickly made a break for his Moose Lair. Diving he grasped onto the baguette, which doubled as his fireman's pole/ access to his lair.

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Re: ML: A Full Paper Storybook, Printed on Digital

Post by PayJ on Mon Aug 29, 2011 10:50 am

He arrived at the bottom of the pole confused and blinded by several bright lights.

His ears popped and his vision went blurry.

In the distance he could hear yelling.

"Gettyyyaaaaffffffffuuuuuccccccckkkkkiiiiiiiinnnnnnggggggggttttttiiiiittttttsssssoooouuuuutttttttt!!!!!"

He couldn't quite make out what was being said. Then another voice seemingly closer this time shouted.

"Gettyyyaaaaffffffffuuuuuccccccckkkkkiiiiiiiinnnnnnggggggggttttttiiiiittttttsssssoooouuuuutttttttt!!!!!"

His hearing and vision shot back when he realised his pole had taken him to the main pole in a strip club.

He tried to run out but...

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Re: ML: A Full Paper Storybook, Printed on Digital

Post by Mr. Wiggles on Mon Aug 29, 2011 11:01 am

...quickly found himself bombarded by paper bills.

In the confusion, he found himself trapped, imprisoned by a constant flurry of money.

"Fuck this shit! I'm getting the le moose out of here!" he bellowed and with a flash of frenchness, made a break for the door. Stumbling out of the building, it became clear to him that he had clearly grasped the wrong pole. Floating in the sky was a giant Zeppelin, in the shape of a but before he could marvel any further. He became aware that the entire street was infact solely comprised of Brian Blessed's... Thousands of them... EVERYWHERE!

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Re: ML: A Full Paper Storybook, Printed on Digital

Post by PayJ on Mon Aug 29, 2011 11:04 am

In unison they began to bellow a single monotone note. The earth began to shake and buildings collapsed. Shitty French Canada man used his explosive diarrhoea to try and escape but forgot he had left his trousers on. Jets of runny shit shot all over a 20 metre radius.

Now out of shit shitty French Canada man needed a place to eat hot spicy food to replenish his abilities.

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Re: ML: A Full Paper Storybook, Printed on Digital

Post by Mr. Wiggles on Mon Aug 29, 2011 11:12 am

Desperate to replenish his faecal matter, Shitty French Canada Man made a break for the curry house at the end of the street. Running as fast he could he made it down the pavement, pursued by the onslaught of Brian Blessed's. With a dive through the front window, he was in. However, bring mostly human and not at all glass proof, he collapesd on the floor in pain from the shards of glass wedged into his eyeballs.

As he lay there Blessed's approaching, pants caked in his own shit, skin now littered in tiny transparent crystals and still being distinctly French Canadian, he thought to himself.

"Could things get any worse?"

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